Coping with grief at Christmas

The festive holidays can bring up all sorts of emotions and there can be lots of expectations floating around to get things just right. If you are grieving or spending time with somebody who is trying to find a connection with the loved one they have lost, give space to all the thoughts and feelings that may arise.

  • Allow yourself to cry, tears are nature’s way of alleviating pain and strong emotions.
  • Spend your Christmas differently this year. Go somewhere special, spend the time with different friends or family, as staying at home might be too difficult for you and this is okay. Don’t try to cope alone, reach out to others.
  • You may also want to consider keeping traditions and routines you shared with your loved one, to bring you comfort, such as attending midnight mass, watching a favourite movie or taking part in a charity Christmas swim.
  • Connect with nature. Go for a long walk, feel the cold on your face and hear the noise of the leaves crunching under your feet. Breathe in the cool air and give yourself time to just be in the moment.
  • Be kind and look after yourself. Try not to judge your thoughts and feelings. Keep to a routine, eat regularly and stick to your sleeping patterns.
  • Try to remember that everyone grieves in their own way. When families and friends come together each person has their own views and ideas on best ways to remember loved ones. Try to remain mindful that others may not always know what to say.
  • Find ways to remember your loved one, this could be carrying a photo with you, wearing their winter scarf, visiting their resting place or somewhere that’s special to you and them. You may find it helps to talk to your loved one, either aloud or in your thoughts.
  • Try not to feel guilty when you have moments of enjoyment and laughter.

Remember, you can reach out to Big C by emailing us or calling our Support Line on 0800 0927640 for a friendly listening ear.  

A woman holding her hands in her lap
Other support available over Christmas

Cruse Bereavement Helpline – Call 0808 808 1677

Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust – Call 0808 196 3494 (available 24 hours a day)

Samaritans – Call 116 123 (available 24 hours a day)

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) – Call 0800 585858 (available 5pm until midnight 365 days a year)

A close up of people holding hands

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Life Kitchen collaboration

Ryan Riley and Kimberley Duke, the co-founders of Life Kitchen – a not-for-profit cookery school for people living with cancer – have partnered with Big C, on the release of a free cookbook to help cancer patients who are struggling through the cost of living crisis.

Essential Flavour is a 15 recipe book filled with budget-friendly meal ideas that cost as little as 58p per person to make, using everyday ingredients to create a delicious selection of meals that will tantalise the tastebuds – all at a cost-effective price.

The recipes use ingredients from supermarket ‘essentials’ ranges and can be easily created at home. The book’s Swedish-style meatballs average at £2.96 per serving for two (£1.48 per person), while the spicy bean quesadillas work out at £1.94 (97p each).

For those with a sweet tooth, the sumptuous miso banana crumble is £1.41 for two (71p per person).

There are even recipes that can be used as tasty Christmas alternatives, such as the fried chicken sandwich with miso spring onion mayo and sage & onion stuffing, costing only £2.05 for two (£1.03 per person). 

A big C employee preparing vegetables for a dish.

The book, in partnership with Big C who have funded its release, comes as a shocking survey from OnePoll revealed that over half of people surveyed (55%) think that they will struggle to pay for food this winter.* 

It also revealed that 29% – over a quarter – are more concerned about the cost of living crisis than their cancer, while 80% were worried about being able to afford travel costs to hospital appointments.

A second report, conducted by Zurich UK, found that seven in 10 people living with cancer are facing an unexpected cost rise of £6,500 a year.**

Ryan Riley said “The cost of living crisis is a huge concern for everyone across the entire country, particularly those living with cancer. Every time you pick up a newspaper or switch on the TV, the outlook seems bleak and it’s having a massive impact on people’s mental health. And it only looks to be getting worse.”

“We created Essential Flavour because we wanted to do something to help, to try to relieve some of that anxiety for people living with cancer. All of the recipes have been created with cost in mind, but they’re still full of flavour and delicious. We hope that it’ll help to ease the burden and offer some guidance for people during these times.”

RYAN RILEY, LIFE KITCHEN CO-FOUNDER

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, multi-award winning writer, broadcaster and supporter of Life Kitchen, has written the foreword for Essential Flavour. He said: “This is an important, compassionate and hugely useful book which recognises the impact of the cost of living crisis upon our most vulnerable in the UK. It’s dreadful to hear that when facing a cancer diagnosis, many are more concerned with how they will afford to eat… I’m sure that it will serve as a vital resource for those who need it most.”

Dr Melanie Pascale, Director of Charitable Operations at Big C, added: “This book couldn’t be coming at a more important time. We’re increasingly hearing from people who are in a difficult financial situation, on top of the profound challenge of cancer. We’re very proud to support Life Kitchen in bringing this book to fruition, and hope that it offers both practical help and reassurance for those that need it the most.”  

Life Kitchen, founded in 2018 by friends Ryan Riley and Kimberley Duke, is a not-for-profit cookery school that offers free classes to people living with cancer. It is the first of its kind in the UK, and the classes showcase delicious meals that focus on intense flavours, to add a zing to the taste buds.

Ryan and Kimberley were inspired to create Life Kitchen after they each lost a parent to cancer. They saw how cancer, and cancer treatment, can cause some patients to lose or experience changes in their sense of taste and smell. In honour of their parents, they wanted to create a way for people to enjoy food again and set up Life Kitchen to do just that.

The self-titled first book, Life Kitchen was released in 2020 to huge acclaim. Then in 2021 when people began to experience a loss of taste and smell as a side effect of Covid-19, Ryan and Kimberley again stepped in to help. They worked with taste and smell experts to create a free book called Taste & Flavour which became a global sensation.

To get one of 5,000 free paper copies of Essential Flavour, simply order online (a £3 postage and packaging fee occurs). Alternatively, you can download a free digital copy.


Survey Sources:

*The full OnePoll survey on behalf of cancer support charity, Maggie’s can be viewed here.

**The full Zurich UK survey can be viewed here.

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Living with dyslexia

This Dyslexia Awareness Week, Dr Chris Bushby has spoken to Norfolk Director Magazine on his experience of living with Dyslexia.

Having been Chief Executive of two leading organisations in the region over 25 years, a Chair of several Boards and with three honorary doctorates, certain assumptions are made of you. But many will have no idea that some days I can find it difficult even to write my signature.

I was fortunate to have been diagnosed as dyslexic when I was eight or nine. I was born at Colchester Hospital and adopted at birth, by a wonderful couple. My father was Professor of Music at the Royal College of Music in London and my mother was in teaching. My parents had a biological son, my brother Peter, who is eight years older than me and also went on to adopt my two sisters.

I attended Bedfield Primary School, which only had two classes. At that time dyslexia wasn’t recognised in the Suffolk education system and I was considered ‘backward’. My parents recognised that there was something more complex about the way I learnt and paid for me to undergo diagnostic testing in London. With a confirmed diagnosis, they also arranged for some appropriate teaching to help.

At senior school I also benefitted from the support of four fantastic teachers who recognised my abilities, Miss Arnold in English particularly. I finished school at Debenham High as Head Prefect, House Captain and Head Librarian, which is ironic as I have hardly ever read a book!

Undeniably there have been barriers. As part of the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme I undertook a placement at a veterinary practice in Framlingham. I loved it and ended up working there on Saturdays for the next three years. They thought I had promise to become a vet, but because of the academic qualifications and lack of recognition of dyslexia at that time, it wasn’t a possibility.

Instead I spent three years in the army in the Coldstream Guards. I was privileged to be awarded as top student on graduation which enabled a route into university on my return. By this time there was a greater understanding of dyslexia and when I completed my MBA I was allowed to bring in my personal assistant at the Suffolk Agricultural Association to type my answers.

I am a black belt, 3rd Dan in Judo. This practise and resulting achievements, competing on a national and international stage, helped my personal development and an understanding of what I am capable of. For example, I couldn’t write or read well, I see words as shapes, but I could think and speak. I was the only pupil at the time to have been awarded 20/20 in my oral English exam. My speech was on ferreting and I took in my pet ferret. The external examiner had to hold him while I did my oral exam and didn’t take any notes! Like a lot of dyslexics I have a good memory and I am also good at problem solving and seeing the big picture. This really helps as a CEO and Chair.

“I urge those with dyslexia and those around them never to consider it a disadvantage and to have self-belief. You develop your own personal strategies to cope and play to your strengths.”

DR CHRIS BUSHBY, CHIEF EXECUTIVE AT BIG C

Technology has been a game changer. I use dictation software on my phone, spell checking and find models and other visual tools, such as PowerPoint very helpful. I enjoy Radio 4 for keeping up to date with current affairs and news.

As a business leader, it is important to build a team around you with the skills to help you succeed. All work places today should have a culture where everyone has an awareness of learning difficulties and the challenges they may present. Those with learning differences should be fully supported with additional help and assistive technology as required. Simple changes can make a big difference, such as changing communication methods and using audio more frequently. Everyone should be given a chance and I am pleased to say this is certainly the case at Big C. The support given should never be patronising, diversity within teams is extremely beneficial to an organisation and can bring a different dimension to thinking and creativity.

Thankfully today, there is a lot of help available to diagnose dyslexia and support students through the education system and employees in the workplace. A few of these organisations are signposted below. Some also offer support to employers. It’s a good idea to speak to your child’s school, or to your GP in the first instance.

For further support, please contact the following organisations

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